This is a new blog, so I don’t have much content yet.  I had intended this to be a way to share my experiences rebuilding after financial and health issues had devastated my husband and I.  I wanted this to be a positive, constructive way to learn to live a simple life on a strict, low budget.  Unfortunately, after several years of struggling and failing and some recent successes the sky fell.  I find myself alone, unable to work, penniless and without friends or family to help.

I am dumping what little pride I had left to spill my guts on the Internet because as someone who has been a shut-in for years I have no support base except one person.  That person; however, is an angel in California.  I used to blog with about a year ago and she is a woman living frugally on very little, yet she has spent hours trying to prop me up.  She lives 2,000 miles away and she is helping me to put aside the emotional devastation the best I can and try to focus on survival first then working toward living independently.

Since December 26th when the sky fell on me I think I have made tremendous strides, but without help in the next few weeks I will be living in a shelter (assuming there is room).  I don’t want to be this pathetic and I assure you that writing this post is probably the most humiliating thing I have ever done.  I want to be worth something, to take care of myself and even become a productive person again.

There have only been a few business days since December 26th, but I think I have done very well in making progress on my own.  I have bit the bullet and applied for temporary public assistance, but during these hard times I am being turned away for lack of funding.  I have been as persistent as I can, calling every place I can find, every day, but it is demoralizing and frustrating.  This is what I have accomplished:

• I have applied for and I am receiving food stamps.   They will arrive in 2 weeks.  Luckily, I have enough non perishable food stocked away to be okay until then and due to the stress of the situation I am not able to eat much anyway.
• I have applied for and have been approved for Medicaid.
• I have scrounged up all of the change in my house and combined it with every dime I can muster up and have paid more than half the rent for January.
• I have applied for heating assistance.
• I have an appointment tomorrow for a medical assessment at a clinic and a case worker arranged to have me transported the 25 miles and back.  Hopefully, I can get my medication and start working on some of my health problems.  With time I may be able to work again.  I have many medical problems though, so that will take a while.
• I have called every animal rescue within 150 miles to find a home for my two girls (my cats).  I simply can’t afford to care for them anymore.  This task is excruciating, but they deserve a stable home.  I can’t bring myself to give away my two boys yet (Skippy and Zorro).  I need to do this one step at a time. So far, with so many people devastated by this economy there are no takers.
• I have been going through boxes of everything I own and have started cleaning and sorting stuff to sell on Ebay.
• My mother has paid my utility bills to date so I will have Internet and phone for at least another month. It was hard to let my mother help.  She is disabled, has little income, lives in a single room 100 miles away with her cats and cannot help me any more.  I need to get back on my feet and pay her back as soon as possible.
• Every day I am on the phone looking for resources and every night I am sorting through boxes, setting aside stuff to sell, consolidating the few things I absolutely need and pitching the rest.

I can’t even begin to express how difficult it is to ask for help, but what I am finding is that help just isn’t there.  The few resources out there are woefully underfunded and the workers are overworked and burned out.  Most of them have turned into automatons who push paper.  The persistence that is needed to find and receive the most meager support is more than what most successful people do in their busy, stressful lives.

What I want more than anything is just to be able to take care of myself, but to even start to do anything for myself I must spend all day long trying to get emergency help.  To get anywhere it takes a great deal of research, phone calls, asking for referrals and outright begging.  No one who hasn’t been through this can explain how hard it is to get past the fear, pain and constant feelings of giving up and work relentlessly to beg for those little crumbs out there.  I am sure many people in my situation have given up and for people this low, giving up means suicide, dying of starvation, the cold or from their health problems.

As I feel helpless and hopeless some nights I worry about people who aren’t blessed with the brains and resourcefulness I have.  I think about their children.  What must they be doing?  Even a woman as smart as I am may not make it out of such an awful situation.  I suppose many people in this country must just die.

You’ll Hear from Me Again

Where and When:  TNT/Monday nights

Cast:  Ray Romano, Andre Braugher, Scott Bakula

Plot Summary:

There are 3 separate story lines going on and they come together when the three middle aged friends meet for breakfast or go hiking.  All three are dealing with the realization that they are not going to achieve their dreams, their bodies are betraying them and the expectations they had of what their lives would be was way off.

Owen (Andre Braugher) is a father, husband and car salesman for a dealership owned by his controlling father.  Owen is starting to deal with some of the consequences of a life of high stress and an unhealthy weight problem.

Terry (Scott Bakula) is an aging actor who never made it and now works in an office.  He is hanging onto his good looks and dreams by being health conscious and dating younger women, but he is starting to question if that is what he wants.  His struggles with aging are more behind the scenes than the other character’s issues.

Joe (Ray Romano), a neurotic party supply store owner is in the middle of a divorce and fighting a gambling problem.  He loves his kids and is working to build relationships with them despite their age (teens) and his living out of the home.

At first glance, the concept sounds dull and a little depressing, but it is anything but dull and the depressing aspects are well balanced with Romano’s dry humor and excellent story lines.  All three actors are believable and you can’t help but like them.  The characters were developed instantly and I loved the dry humor that kept me interested.  The three are not on screen all that often, but when they are the chemistry is wonderful.

Andre Braugher is always spot on with any character he plays.  Owen is very different from his previous roles, but Braugher is no less brilliant.  Ray Romano is showing off some new talents and is a convincing and likable Joe.  Scott Bakula plays what is probably the best role he has ever had and he does it well.  I have never thought Bakula to be a good actor, perhaps it was the roles he played but he was always likable.  He has really stepped up his acting skills in this show and he is a perfect choice for Terry.

After watching 3 episodes I am hooked.  The issues in these story lines may sound mundane, but they are spot on with real life and handled in an entertaining manner.  These three imperfect, aging guys are interesting and easy to relate to.  The friendship between these men is believable and woven nicely throughout the individual story lines.

I am 46 and at this age both men and women do a lot of soul searching.  But watching men go through something more than an affair with a 23 year old secretary and hocking everything to buy a red sports car is a new concept.  I think women my age will love this show.  I can’t speak for middle aged men, but I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be as delighted by this show as their female counterparts.  The jury is still out where younger people are concerned.  Younger people might be turned off by the title, but my guess is that men and women of all ages will find relate in one way or another.

In any event, Men of a Certain Age is well written, entertaining and worthy of your time.

A Cool MultiPlayer Browser Game

Friends have been playing games like World of Warcraft for a long time, but until recently I haven’t checked it out.  I read about a game called Travian. I looked into it and jumped right in.  Now, I am hooked.

Summary of Travian:

Travian is a multiplayer browser game.  Your goal is to build your village with resources, buildings and troops — the options are nearly endless.  You can attack other villages, create more villages and join an alliance if you like.  As you progress, you create a strategy alone or as part of your alliance in anticipation of the End Game.  I haven’t played an End Game yet but apparently it is about surviving and growing your empire and that of your alliance. It is an easy game to learn and you are guided and protected for the first 8 days so you can get your village in order and figure out what you are doing.

It doesn’t cost anything to play, but if you really get into it you can buy gold to help turn you into a super player.

I haven’t paid for anything and I don’t plan to BUT if you feel like playing I hope you will use my referrer link to set up your account.  It is a harmless link, but if you sign up it will give me a few credits to get some upgrades more quickly.  If you prefer to check it out without giving me credit just click here.

Pros:

• It’s fun and free!
• There is nothing to download or to interfere with your computer or browser.
• It takes a few seconds to get started so it is great for beginners, but there are endless complexities which make for an interesting game for people of all skill levels.You can jump right in and start playing.  There is a guide at the beginning and when you are finished with the guide you will join an alliance where you have a lot of support and camaraderie from your alliance members.
• You can be slightly involved or spend all day and all night finding new tricks and interesting ways to build your empire.
• No spam, junk or phishing going on there.  I haven’t had a single e-mail.
• It is a simple, straightforward play area with no advertising and a lot to do as you build your empire.
• You can be as social or as unsociable as you wish

Cons:

• You will want to check once a day at minimum.  It is important to keep building your resources for the End Game.
• You feel kind of lost at first because there is so much information.  Fortunately, you can learn as you go and play as much or as little as you like.

I recommend trying this game.  If you like it, drop me a line and join our alliance.

At first there is so much info you don’t have a clue what is going on.  The online guides are great, but only tell you so much.  I just found a post on the Travian forum that I wish I would have read before signing up.  Check it out first then start playing!